


Don't want to Live Without You

by equineaurora



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, M/M, Malec
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-01
Updated: 2017-08-01
Packaged: 2018-12-09 15:04:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11671521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/equineaurora/pseuds/equineaurora
Summary: Alec gets hurt badly on a mission and it's up to Magnus to save his life.





	Don't want to Live Without You

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there! Thank you for opening my fanfiction. 
> 
> A few notes. 
> 
> 1) This is my first Shadowhunter fanfiction but I have been in the fandom for years and prefer blue eyed Alec but I don't care enough to fight about his eye color. 
> 
> 2) I don't normal write angst. So sorry if it sucks. 
> 
> 3) After Episode 2X17 I had some Malec feels and then I watched these two youtube videos https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZaNGkp0wSGE&index=3&list=LLnvVhbR9lEFgS5ti2SlWK7Q and https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GRkDNgvoBl8&index=2&list=LLnvVhbR9lEFgS5ti2SlWK7Q and I had a LOT of angsty Malec feels and this fanfic was born. (2X18 didn't help any lol)
> 
> 4) It's not betaed by my usual beta so I am sorry if I messed something when I edited it. 
> 
> 5) I hope you enjoy!

“ALEC!” screams Jace.

The scream causes Magnus to whirl around just in time to see a horn of one of the demons they had been fighting go through his boyfriend’s ribs as he saves Izzy from the attack.  
Magnus’ eyes go wide with panic as Alec screams in pain and falls to the ground and as the demon goes in for the kill Magnus blasts it with a fireball. “Go to Hell!” he snarls, yellow cat eyes narrowed in anger. He blasts the other demon Izzy had been fighting for good measure before running towards Alec and dropping to his knees. Anger turning to worry as he sees the blood gushing out of the hole in Alec’s side. “Alexander. Please, stay with me.” he begs grasping one of Alec’s hands. He summons blue sparks on his other hand and starts working on healing his boyfriend. 

Jace is standing over them, one hand on his parabatai rune that was throbbing and the other on a dagger, watching Izzy and Clary finish off the last few demons. 

Alec’s blue eyes flutter open at Magnus’ touch. “Mags….” he whispers, voice laced with pain. 

“Shhh my angel.” Magnus responds, desperation in his voice. “I am here.” he glances up at Jace and seeing that they aren't in immediate danger he calls to him. “Jace, he needs Iratzes, they will help me heal him.” 

Jace just nods, not trusting his voice as he watches his parabatai bled out while Magnus struggles to save him. As Jace pulls out his Stele and drops down next to Alec he notices Alec’s breathing is getting shallower. “Alec….” he whispers, voice shaking, “please. I need you.” He starts drawing multiple healing runes near the wound without getting in Magnus’ way.

Alec’s eyes have shut again as he struggles to breath. “Alexander, please. I love you. I need you.” begs Magnus, tears spilling down his face and ruining his makeup; not that he cares at the moment. Alec weakly squeezes Magnus’ hand to show he was still conscious and Magnus let's out a breath he didn't realize he was holding. “Jace...take his hand please. I need both of them to work.” Magnus orders, voice shaking.

Jace slips a hand into Alec’s as Magnus slips his hand free to use both of them as he frantically tries to stop the bleeding. “Alec….please….come on….” Jace pleads, his own eyes shining with tears.

By the time Clary and Isabelle finish off the demons Alec is barely breathing and his face is deathly pale even as the Iratzes burn and Magnus pours all his energy into keeping the man he loves alive. 

“Is he…?” Izzy asks, trailing off without finishing the question. 

Jace glances at his Ichor covered sister and just takes shakes his head. 

Izzy gasps, hands covering her mouth in shock as she watches Magnus’ desperation as he works. 

“We should take him back to the Institute.” Clary says, finally speaking up. “it's dangerous out here and he will have more help there.” 

Magnus glances at her before focusing back on Alec. “If I stop healing him to open a portal he will die.” he snaps, voice rough with tears. 

“I will open one then.” Clary suggests, pulling her Stele out. “Jace, Isabelle, you will need to carry him so Magnus can keep working.” 

Jace nods and Isabelle moves next to Magnus, ready to help. Clary draws the portal rune and a portal opens right by Alec. Jace grabs under Alec’s armpits as Izzy grabs his legs and they slowly lift him while Magnus keeps working. Alec grunts in pain but otherwise doesn't react as his loved ones carry him into the portal. Once they are through Clary jumps in after them and the portal closes.

When Clary appears in the Institute Alec is already being carried to the infirmary. Magnus and Jace are still by his side while Izzy calls someone on her cell phone. Clary makes to follow Jace but she notices she is dripping Ichor everywhere and decides to shower first. Heaven knows Jace won't leave Alec unless someone pries him away. 

Magnus is exhausted. However every time he stops Alec starts bleeding again. So despite the burn out he feels coming he just keeps going. Alec was unconscious but miraculously still alive, and Magnus was going to do everything in his power to keep him that way. 

“By the Angel.” Jace muttered, holding his free hand up to Magnus. “take what you need. Please. I know you probably get more energy from Alec but…..hopefully I will do. Alec will murder me if you burn yourself out.” 

Magnus manages a sad little chuckle and takes Jace’s hand, allowing the Shadowhunter’s energy to flow through him and into Alec. “as his parabatai you are probably the best one to help me heal him.” Magnus mutters tiredly. 

Having already used a lot of magic during the mission Magnus can feel a burnout coming even with Jace’s help. Just as he is starting to wonder what he will do when he runs out of magic Catarina Loss in all her blue skinned glory walks into the infirmary followed by a cleaned up Isabelle. 

“Magnus, Isabelle called me. Said you were close to a burn out and I can tell she was right.” Catarina explains, pulling a chair up next to Magnus. “you need to rest. I will keep him alive. I promise...and If I think there is nothing more I can do I will wake you so you can say goodbye.” 

Fresh tears flow down Magnus’ face as he concedes and allows Catarina to take over. “please….I can't live without him.” Magnus pleads, running a hand through Alec’s sweaty hair before kissing his clammy lips. “I am going to shower and be right back. Notify me immediately if anything changes.” Magnus says, his cat eyes gleaming with tears. He is too tired to glamour them and not like it matters in the Institute. 

“Of course Magnus.” Izzy replies. “Jace you should shower too. You will know if anything changes.” She says, gesturing to the parabatai rune. 

Jace nods with a small sigh before numbly standing and following Magnus out. “You can use Alec’s shower….” Jace says, pointing to the room Alec had slept in when he lived here. 

Magnus nods and mutters a thanks before opening the door. Alec had moved in with him months ago so not much remained which made it easier to pass through into the bathroom. Once in the shower though the smell of the shampoo caused memory after memory of Alec to wash over him and he sinks down to the floor of the shower as sobs rack his body. It was too soon. He was supposed to have decades with Alec before he lost him. His shower took longer than planned due to the crying but after about 30 minutes he steps out, towels himself off and glances in the mirror. He summons up just enough magic to remove his makeup before picking up an old, discarded comb of Alec’s and combing his hair out. He looks at the dirty clothes he came in before digging through Alec’s drawers, coming up with sweatpants and an old tank top Alec must have outgrown but fit Magnus. 

When he returns to the infirmary dolled down more than any Shadowhunter besides Alec had ever seen him Clary and Izzy glance at him but don't say anything. Catarina is still working but Alec’s breathing looked more regular. Izzy had pushed a bed over next to Alec’s and Magnus just climbs in without a word. He lays on his side facing his Shadowhunter, just watching until Alec starts muttering his name in a weak voice. Magnus’ heart shatters as he reaches across the small gap in the beds to take his hand. “Shhh Alexander. I am right here. I am not going anywhere.” 

Alec stills again, hand closing weakly around Magnus’. Magnus falls asleep like that, too tired to keep his eyes open any longer now that Catarina was there. 

Sometime during the night Catarina is able to get Alec stable but he had slipped into a coma. Satisfied that he won't die if she steps away for a moment she removes Alec’s shirt with magic before bandaging his ribs and accepting food from Jace. She steps outside to eat it as Jace draws a few more Iratzes on Alec before settling into the bed next to Alec’s, on the other side from Magnus.

Catarina finds Izzy once she has eaten and let's her know that she would be returning home but would stop by every day as long as necessary to help Alec recover. “Please keep an eye on Magnus and make sure he eats and doesn't burn himself out. He is likely to pour himself into healing Alec and forget about his own well being.”

Izzy nods, a sad smile on her face. “no worries. Magnus is a part of this family now. We will make sure he takes care of himself. Thank you Catarina for your assistance.” 

Catarina thanks her before opening a portal and stepping through.

Several hours later Magnus wakes with a scream of “ALEC!” which jolts Jace from his slumber. Jace jumps out of bed in just his boxers and grabs a dagger from the table by the bed he looks around wildly for the danger to find just Magnus sitting up in bed, cat eyes wild with fear. “Magnus?” he asks, lowering the dagger. “Everything ok?” he asks as he glances at Alec who is still breathing thankfully. 

Magnus jumps when Jace addresses him and looks over at the other man, “Oh yes, sorry. Just a bad dream. I didn’t mean to wake you.” 

“It’s ok. I know you are worried about him. I am too. But if you hadn’t been there he would have bled out before we got him help. So thank you.” Jace says honestly. 

Magnus blinks, startled, then just nods. “I will always do everything in my power to keep him safe. I am sorry I wasn’t close enough to stop him from being stabbed in the first place. I once told you I would never let anything hurt him….I guess I failed…” his voice cracks as his eyes find Alec’s sleeping form. 

Jace watches the emotions on Magnus’ face before approaching the warlock, putting a hand on Magnus’ arm gently. “Hey, he is a Shadowhunter. I don’t expect you to always prevent him from being hurt on missions. It’s an occupational hazard. But I do know he is much happier now that he has you, and for that I thank you.” 

Magnus looks up at him, the fear in his eyes still present even as he takes in what Jace said. “Wow, I never would have expected that kind of thank you from you Jace. But you are welcome. You should go get some sleep in your actual bed. I will stay with him and come get you if he wakes.” 

Jace looks at Alec before he nods, “alright. I am trusting him to you Magnus. Take good care of my brother.” he says before collecting the clothes he had discarded on the floor and leaving the infirmary. 

As soon as Jace is gone Magnus uses magic to fuse the beds together and slips an arm around Alec, burying his face in the crock of Alec’s neck, being careful of his injury. “Oh Alexander.” He mutters, fresh tears coming. “Please come back to me. My precious, precious angel” When Alec doesn’t react Magnus just sighs and closes his eyes to try and get some more sleep. 

Magnus is woken by a scream and the sound of glass breaking as a well meaning nurse is startled to find a warlock cuddling her charge. He lazily blinks his eyes open but doesn’t move. Figuring someone who knew would be along shortly to explain the situation to her. 

Sure enough Jace comes running in to investigate the source of the scream and bursts out laughing at the scene that meets his eyes. The girl, Jane, staring at a clearly sleepy Magnus cuddling the still unconscious Alec. 

“Jace...this warlock…. What is he doing?” Jane asks, confused. 

“Cuddling his boyfriend by the looks of it.” Jace gets out between chuckles. “Jane, meet Magnus Bane, High Warlock of Brooklyn and the man that stole Alec Lightwood’s heart.” Jace says, gesturing to Magnus who has still made no move to move. “Sorry Magnus, Jane is new. I didn’t realize it was her that had been asked to check on Alec. You are fine.” 

Magnus sits up slowly, being careful not to jostle Alec and glamours his eyes so as to not startled this young women even further, and slips out of bed. Bare feet hitting the infirmary floor he holds a manicured hand out to Jane. “My pleasure. Sorry for startling you. I will be with him in here until he can come back to our home with me.” 

Jane shakes his hand cautiously. “Magnus Bane, I have heard a lot about you. Well you seem to have Alec well taken care of so I shall just leave you to it. “ She says before exiting the infirmary. 

As soon as she is gone Magnus lowers the glamour on his eyes and glances over at Jace. “Would you be so kind as to bring me some food? I don’t really want to startle more newbie Shadowhunters by going down to the kitchen.” 

“Of course.” Jace answers, leaving to go get Magnus food as Magnus settles into the chair by Alec and summons magic to continue healing him. 

Magnus takes Alec’s right hand with his left, running his thumb over the back of Alec’s hand as he uses his right hand to help the healing along. His eyes roam over Alec’s still form, noting how pale he looks and how shallow his breathing still is. Magnus glances around to make sure he his alone before taking his right hand to grasp Alec’s hand with both of his. “Alexander. Please. Come back to me. I can’t live without you. Please. Please…” his voice breaks as more tears come. He stands and leans over, pressing his forehead to Alec’s, “Please….my angel, come back to me. Darling, don’t leave me all alone again.” A sob escapes his mouth and his hands shake as they hold onto Alec. His sobs cause tear drops to fall on Alec’s face and almost too weak for Magnus to notice, Alec flexes his right hand. Magnus freezes, “Alexander?” He whispers, voice laced with hope. Alec moves his fingers again but doesn’t open his eyes. Magnus leans down to press his lips to Alec’s forehead. “Let’s fix you up shall we?” he asks, voice rough from crying. Leaving his left hand in Alec’s right hand he brings his right hand back up and focuses and healing his boyfriend. 

When Jace comes back Magnus is muttering an incantation and while still pale and unconscious Alec is looking a little better. Jace stands back to watch Magnus work and when he takes a step back to look over Alec Jace steps forward. “Here, I brought you food. Take a break and eat. Alec doesn’t look on death’s door anymore and my Parabatai rune isn’t throbbing anymore though it is still hurting.” 

Magnus nods and takes the food from Jace. “Thanks. He isn’t on death’s door anymore but he is still very weak. If you could draw a few more Iratzes while I eat that might help. His body is struggling to remake all the blood he lost.” 

Jace nods “no problem.” he says, pulling his stele out he locates some blank skin on Alec and gets to work. When Jace pulls back he notices Magnus absentmindedly chewing while staring at Alec looking lost. “Hey, he is going to be ok. Thanks to you.” Jace says, resting a hand on Magnus’ shoulder. 

Magnus blinks and looks at him, “sure, he is going to be ok this time. But what about the next time? Or the time after that? Or if by some miracle he actually lives to an old age….I am still going to lose him some day….” Magnus says, sounding lost.. 

Jace blinks, startled but takes a seat next to Magnus. “I don’t know what to tell you Magnus. But you are the best thing that has ever happened to my brother and losing you would devastate him just as much as losing him would do to you. I would say just make the most of the time you do have with him. But he needs to wake up in order for that to happen so I will leave you do it. Make sure you take breaks and Catarina will be back later to help you.” 

Magnus looks at Jace curiously, then just nods “alright, thanks Jace. I will let you know if anything changes.” 

Jace nods and stands up, pats Alec on the shoulder, then walks out of the infirmary to go train and try and take his mind off of Alec’s injury. 

It takes three days of Magnus and Catarina pouring their magic into Alec before his coloring returns to normal and his breathing steadied. He now looks like he is just asleep instead of dying. In those three days Magnus had only left Alec’s side for absolute necessities and is still wearing Alec’s sweatpants and tanktop without styling his hair or putting makeup on. Alec hasn’t opened his eyes since they took him to the institute and despite his healing progress Magnus is still worried as he continues working on him. 

On the fourth night of sleeping in the Institute infirmary Magnus had sent Catarina home. Telling her that Alec was far enough along for Magnus could take care of him alone, so Magnus was by himself in the infirmary with Alec. He was sleeping with his head on Alec’s chest, one arm draped across Alec’s chest, the other holding Alec’s hand loosely by his side when he is woken by a moan. “Alexander?” Magnus asks sleepily, sitting up to see hazy blue eyes looking back at him. “Oh, Alexander.” He says in relief, pulling him into a hug and Alec grunts in pain, ribs still tender. “Sorry darling.” Magnus says, but as he goes to release him Alec’s arms come up and wrap around him. 

“Magnus.” he mutters sleepily. “How long?” he asks, not even needing to finish, Magnus will understand.

“Four days darling. You’ve had me so worried.” Magnus says, bringing a ringless hand up to caress Alec’s face. 

Alec’s eyes widen as he gets more alert and takes in what Magnus was saying. “Four days?” he asks, startled that he had been out of it for so long. “It must have been bad.”

Magnus nods, “you almost died….you would have if I hadn’t been there…” Magnus’ voice breaks again as some fresh tears spring up. 

“Hey, it’s ok. I’m ok.” Alec says, bringing a hand up to wipe away the tears from under Magnus’ eyes, and that’s when he notices Magnus’ appearance. “What? No makeup?” He teases lightly. 

“Been a bit busy trying to keep this obnoxiously handsome Shadowhunter alive.” Magnus tries to tease back but it lacks his usual joking tone. 

‘Well you succeeded.” Alec says, leaning down to press his lips gently to Magnus’. 

“Good, maybe we can go home now. Not that your family hasn’t been lovely hosts.” Magnus says, smiling slightly. 

“By the angel, my family. They must be worried sick. Especially Jace.” Alec says, flopping back onto the bed with a moan.

“Jace has been most helpful in your recover actually. Drawing Iratzes and letting me use his energy when I was running low. “Magnus says, settling down against Alec again. 

“Good.” Alec responds before yawning. 

“Rest Alexander. Your family can know you survived in the morning.” Magnus says, yawning himself, he hadn’t been sleeping well. 

Alec just nods and is soon asleep again, and Magnus snuggles close to him and sleeps soundly for the first time in four days.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Kudos and Comments always appreciated.


End file.
